Till It's Gone
by Dark Side's Cookies
Summary: Bones and Kirk fluff from the end of Into Darkness. No sex, but still M/M love. Don't like, you should still read. it's sweet! Spoiler alert. R&R!


Bones stood at Jim's bedside, going through the motions, pretending to actually do his work. It wasn't as though he was jealous of the friendship Jim had with the ship's first officer, it wasn't about that. But sometimes, he didn't like the attention Jim gave anyone other than him. Jealousy was a nasty emotion, one Bones had never felt before he met James T. Kirk. It was a feeling he probably despised more than any other, but with Jim, it's something he couldn't help.

He knew Jim's relationship with Spock was nothing more than a very close friendship, brothers even, but Bones still didn't like it at times. He looked over at the two of them as he pretended to check Jim's vitals on the screen. "You know, Uhura and I helped." The line alone showed how jealous he was, especially feeling like he had to remind Mr. Spock of his beloved Nyota. He wanted to be alone with Jim. He had just woken up after being cryogenically frozen.

But if it hadn't been for Bones' quick thinking, Jim would be dead. That had been a feeling Bones never wanted to feel again. He had never wanted to feel it in the first place. It had been one of those instances... You don't miss it until it's gone. Bones didn't want to lose Jim. He didn't know if he could. When the news had spread across the ship, Bones was sure his heart had stopped. But he had to keep his emotions in check as he headed the med team down to engineering. He couldn't break down and lose himself because the love of his life was dead.

But when he saw Jim, his heart turned to ice. It didn't thaw until he had been unzipping the body bag back in sick bay that he knew exactly what needed to be done to save his lover. It was a long shot, going off the rebirth of a fluffy little ball of fur. It had been dead, but Kahn's blood had brought the tribble back to life. Bones had no idea if it could do the same for Jim, but he had to try.

And it had worked. Thank God, it had worked.

Spock curtly nodded his head and left the two of them alone. Finally, Bones could finally be alone with Jim. He hadn't been able to say more than "Ah, Jim, You're awake. How do you feel?" before Spock had appeared in the doorway. But the two of them were finally able to have their moment alone, their moment when Bones could say,

"Damnit, Jim. If you ever scare me like that again, I'll kill you."

"Just shut the hell up Bones, and come here."

Putting down his instruments, Bones slid into the bed beside his lover, holding him against his body. He wasn't able to relax until this very moment, but holding Jim,knowing now that he was alive and he wasn't going anywhere, he could finally breathe.

"I'm serious, Jim. I almost had a myocardial infarction. When I had to take you out of that decon chamber..."

"Bones, we don't have to do this. You don't have to say anything."

Usually, Bones wouldn't pour out his heart, but now as all of his nerves eased, now as his heart returned to it's normal position, and he was able to breathe again, Bones felt the flood gates open.

"You were dead, damnit. What do you expect, that I just remain as stoic and deadpan as always?"

"You're still deadpan, Bones."

"Jim..."

"Bones..." Kirk lifted his hand, wrapping his arm around him. "I'm alright. You can feel me. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Damnit, Jim."

"Hey." Kirk nudged him. "Hey. Look at me."

Bones lifted his head off of his lover's chest, looking up into those stunning blues.

"I love you, ok. I love you. I know it's not something we say. But I know you love me, and I love you. Even if I had died, stayed dead, I know you know I love you, and that's all that matters ok?"

Neither one of them ever really were one to wear their heart on their sleeve, but after everything, Kirk knew that the words needed to be said. He would have added something to the effect of "besides, do you really think anyone could ever really kill me?" but he knew Bones wouldn't like that, not at this moment. Being serious wasn't something Kirk liked to be, but he knew when he could get away with being a smart ass with Bones and when it was time to cut the bullshit.

"That's not all that matters, Jim. You didn't lose the one person in this world who meant the most to you. You're a goddamned flight risk, a time bomb ready to explode at any moment. Your entire crew follows you because you're the best, but one of these times I won't be there to bring you back to life. Then what?"

"Bones..."

"I can't lose you, Jim. I just can't. Goddamnit, do you have any idea what you mean to me? You're my life. Without you, I'm not even left with my bones."

Kirk lifted his eyebrow, arched in curiosity. When they had met, Bones had told Kirk about his divorce and how he was only left with his Bones. It was how he'd gotten his nickname from Kirk. He knew what that meant, that he wouldn't even have his bones anymore. He may have his life, but without Kirk, there was no life.

"I'm sorry."

Bones turned his head back up to Jim, eyes widening. Did James Tiberius Kirk seriously just say he was sorry? Sorry was a word that didn't pass Jim's lips too easily, but here he was, saying it for the man he loved.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't do what I did again, you and I both know I'd still do it in a heartbeat, but I am sorry for what I put you through. I'm sorry I scared you like I did."

Smiling, Bones laid his head back down on Jim's chest. "I know you'll never change, but sadly enough, that's a lot of what I love about you, and you know that."

Kirk smiled, lifting his head, stiff neck and all, up so he could press his lips against the top of Bones' head. "Where would you be without my ass to take care of?"

Bones closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly against Jim's chest. "You're going to do your damnedest not to ever let me find out."

And he would. Kirk didn't want to live without Bones anymore than Bones wanted to live without Jim. He would do his best not to get himself killed in the future. He had never been afraid of death, and now even after having actually died, he still wasn't afraid of it. What he was afraid of was losing Bones, and because of that, Kirk knew that he had to do everything he could, aside from not taking risks anymore, being who he is, so that Bones never had to lose him again. Kirk loved the man, and even though no one knew of their relationship, they were together and they would always be. He wasn't going to take that away from Bones. And he wouldn't.


End file.
